Captain

A friend told me last year that one of the greatest things i am giving my time to is coaching this high school golf team in my city.

A couple weeks ago I am sure I did not believe this and was on the cusp of bagging the whole thing due to a litany of circumstances and obligations. I told myself to hang on one more day which turned in two and here I am.

On my way home from our match on Thursday night I think maybe what my friend said last year may just be true. I found myself in a very unique place. Very unique.

One of my players went through maybe the hardest experience that can happen as a competitor. He played the best round of his high school career and as my new captain was leading his team to an important victory.

In his elation and joy, he became distracted and forgot to check his scorecard thoroughly. He was disqualified for signing an incorrect scorecard.

In five minutes he went from the top of the world to total despair.

His world went upside down. His smile was replaced with a feeling that only a few know.

The thing is, I know that feeling.

Twenty seven years ago I lived in that moment as a college golfer.

Just appointed as captain. Team was winning. I played my best round in college. I forgot to sign my card. I was disqualified. Our team went from first to eighth place at the most important tournament of the year.

I went back to my hotel room and cried for 30 minutes. I actually cannot remember crying before this time in my life. Once I started, I could not stop. I soaked my pillow. No one could console me. No one really understood what happened and no words would comfort me. There was just hurt and embarrassment and pain. It took me weeks to move on.

When I saw my captain, I knew exactly what he was thinking and feeling. Exactly.

I knew because I had walked in his shoes.

Still, I asked God for the perfect words he needed to hear in this moment.

I shared this story with him. I told him this will hurt-a lot. Pain is there for a reason and do not deny it. Learn from it and you will be a better man for life.

More importantly, I told him that no matter what he did I would never love him any more than right now. I told him that no matter what he did I would never love him any less either. My love is not conditioned on his performance or mistakes.

This truth took me years to learn about God. His love is not conditional. He sees the best in me and thinks the best of me. He knows I will make mistakes and feel pain and consequences from them.

I wanted my captain to hear these words and to know where they come from. Not from me, but from Jesus. The Jesus that lives in me and is teaching me daily.

Now I know why I went through this pain 27 years ago now.

God had been prepping me to be the exact person who could speak to my captain.

His eyes said that he trusted me. He received these words of truth from me.

I think God is doing things like this all the time. Divine meetings.

There is someone who needs to hear my (our) story of hurt and pain and joy to help bring healing and restoration in their life.

God desires availability, not ability.

Today, I commit myself to being available again. Amen.