Facing my fear

Last summer I found out it takes about 20 hours to cover the 18 miles of climbing down, camping out and returning to the rim of the Grand canyon. The descent is 5000 feet and that my fear of heights is more real that ever. Actually, my fear is more of "falling" than just heights in general. But mine is not a story of conquering fear since even though I faced my fear, it is still with me today.

On the way out of the Canyon, we stopped at the Desert View on the East Rim and I still had wobbly legs and did not want to go near the edge. It was frustrating. Fears are a weird thing-very hard to explain. They sort of "just are" if you know what I mean.

Why are they difficult to conquer? I have this desire somewhere deep down to have no fear at all. In the middle of the most fear I have ever faced-an 80 yard pass, that was 4 feet wide and about a 1000-2000 foot straight down drop on both sides on the South Kaibab Trail-it meant so much to me that my bro Rick was praying for me and encouraging me that I could make it. Somehow I got through that passage.

There is something deep down in me now that says that although I do not like my fears-and maybe I will never conquer them-I can get through them. On that ledge, every step was a unique step of self courage fused with reliance upon God. Maybe that's what God wants of me-dependence upon Him for every step I take.

When I got to the top of the Canyon I layed down and just cried. Part of it was physical exhaustion, but most of it was tears of joy that a fear was faced and I had made it through. Rick will tell you I did not even want to start the hike. It was raining and lightning and it was 5000 feet down. Somewhere deep down I knew I needed to go where I did not want to and face what I did not want to face.

Maybe you have something you need to turn around and face. Or maybe you need a friend to walk through it with you. Maybe you just need a little bit of courage to start. Take one step. Consider that maybe God wants to be with you in it and ask for His help. Thanks for sharing life with me.