Captain

A friend told me last year that one of the greatest things i am giving my time to is coaching this high school golf team in my city.

A couple weeks ago I am sure I did not believe this and was on the cusp of bagging the whole thing due to a litany of circumstances and obligations. I told myself to hang on one more day which turned in two and here I am.

On my way home from our match on Thursday night I think maybe what my friend said last year may just be true. I found myself in a very unique place. Very unique.

One of my players went through maybe the hardest experience that can happen as a competitor. He played the best round of his high school career and as my new captain was leading his team to an important victory.

In his elation and joy, he became distracted and forgot to check his scorecard thoroughly. He was disqualified for signing an incorrect scorecard.

In five minutes he went from the top of the world to total despair.

His world went upside down. His smile was replaced with a feeling that only a few know.

The thing is, I know that feeling.

Twenty seven years ago I lived in that moment as a college golfer.

Just appointed as captain. Team was winning. I played my best round in college. I forgot to sign my card. I was disqualified. Our team went from first to eighth place at the most important tournament of the year.

I went back to my hotel room and cried for 30 minutes. I actually cannot remember crying before this time in my life. Once I started, I could not stop. I soaked my pillow. No one could console me. No one really understood what happened and no words would comfort me. There was just hurt and embarrassment and pain. It took me weeks to move on.

When I saw my captain, I knew exactly what he was thinking and feeling. Exactly.

I knew because I had walked in his shoes.

Still, I asked God for the perfect words he needed to hear in this moment.

I shared this story with him. I told him this will hurt-a lot. Pain is there for a reason and do not deny it. Learn from it and you will be a better man for life.

More importantly, I told him that no matter what he did I would never love him any more than right now. I told him that no matter what he did I would never love him any less either. My love is not conditioned on his performance or mistakes.

This truth took me years to learn about God. His love is not conditional. He sees the best in me and thinks the best of me. He knows I will make mistakes and feel pain and consequences from them.

I wanted my captain to hear these words and to know where they come from. Not from me, but from Jesus. The Jesus that lives in me and is teaching me daily.

Now I know why I went through this pain 27 years ago now.

God had been prepping me to be the exact person who could speak to my captain.

His eyes said that he trusted me. He received these words of truth from me.

I think God is doing things like this all the time. Divine meetings.

There is someone who needs to hear my (our) story of hurt and pain and joy to help bring healing and restoration in their life.

God desires availability, not ability.

Today, I commit myself to being available again. Amen.

Thinking about It

Last night I went to a viewing for a friend who died unexpectedly this week. As the family gathered around there was a underlying quiet question, "why did this happen?"

He was to be married shortly to a close friend of our family. He was young-younger than my 47 years of life. He was the youngest of the three siblings. He had just retired and had so much to look forward to with a new wife and various opportunities.

As I left, I felt for this family and all the pain they are going through.

I also left thinking. Just thinking. Pondering. Wondering.

How often do I really do just that? Think. Wonder. Ponder. Examine.

A month ago I was in a similar place.

I was visiting the grave site of my grandfather and uncle.

They were buried in a cemetery in Pocatella Idaho near a golf course my grandpa built.

I had visited here before, maybe 6-8 years ago. But something was different this time. Maybe I am growing up or just getting older. Maybe it was that we some extra time to just wander around. Maybe it had to do with the previous day visiting a place my parents told me they would like to be placed when their years are done.

Or perhaps it is just because both my Uncle and my Grandpa have the exact name as me.

See, my name, my exact name, is on both those stones.

Not only that, but there is plenty of open space nearby.

If I don't pause here and now to think about IT, when will I?

It's beyond cliche' to say life is busy.

I can't be the only one to feel a sense that (my) life is going quickly in a direction that feels like a fast paced river.

What if I need to change boats?

Or even Rivers?

Sometime I even wonder if the river is going the right direction-this culture can have quite a pull on trying to live for God's kingdom values!

Ever feel like this?

You know, it's not death that scares me. What scares me is not living life.

It's not being true to be all I have been created to be. A human being. Not a human doing. Created in His image. Created to be His workmanship. Created to love Him with all my being. Every minute. Every day. To live a life of great adventure as His child.

I know I cannot control the day God brings me home.

But I do have a say, a choice, what gets my time, attention and energy this very day.

But I have to stop and think about IT.

whats important

In the middle of a trip right now in china.

Gonna talk out loud for a sec.

been planning this trip for 18 months and on point for close to 80 friends. Pressure. Not a lot of relaxing in my life this moment.

All this time I have had expectations of what I think should happen and what I think God should make happen. And I have invested a fair amount of time, thinking and money in this event.

So what happens? Very little of what I expected for sure. Change. Change. Change. More change.

What do I do? Recalibrate? Change? Be Frustrated? All the above and more?

What is important I am (re) learning again is to drop what I think is important and tap in to what God is doing. That will count.

In the midst of leaning in to this process I am amazed at what He does. I am having some incredible conversations. I am speaking some words I did not expect that have helped others. A new friends life, who was not in the "mix" is having his life changed. I am connecting in unexpected ways with my son. I am seeing some cool things come because of the different size of a group. I am seeing some team unity that is affecting many volunteers.

I am seeing things differently for sure. I am and will continue to recalibrate daily.

My report will look different from the goals set 18 months and even 18 days ago.

I am discovering what is really important-the hard way. It's cool.

Ocean

I am noticing that we, a humans, have an interesting relationship with the ocean.

I love the Ocean and this past week got a 24 hour "fix" with my helpmate.

There seems to be something in me that is drawn to the sand and the water when I have a choice for a day off or holiday. When I need to reconnect-or have my soul restored-I rarely choose the mall or downtown.

I do not think I am alone in this choice.

So last week I woke up early for the sunrise-a rarity for this late night porch boy.

The Ocean is speaking to me as I stare at this beautiful sunrise over Ocean City, Maryland.

This ocean is really big. Really big. In relationship to me...I feel soooo small.

There is some serious power out there. There is capacity for things like Tsunamis and floods, yet I can sit here on the edge and enjoy the "peaceful" waves. Sort of living right on the edge and it feels so right.

I am drawn to this power even though there is risk. It seems the risk is nothing compared to the restoration and connectedness as my toes touch sand and water and waves.

There is a lot of power harnessed very close to me. There is peacefulness in the sand and soft waves but danger may not be far away.

My place in this world, ever small, is clear. My relationship with God makes sense. He is great. I am small. He is powerful. I am dependent. There is a big difference between the two of us. Really big difference. Really.

Yet, as I gaze out to an endless big bucket of water, I understand Him a little more.

He wants me to see Him.
He wants me to acknowledge Him.
He wants to have a relationship with me.

He's full of mystery.
And it's a dangerous relationship.
And as I step my toe in the water, I experience and understand this relationship clearer.

Know what I mean?

The Ocean is revealing Him to me today. It's so beautiful.

Jim trusts

I loved this story about trust and am posting it for discussion.

‘Jim,’ a vendor in New York City, set up shop and sold donuts and coffee to passerby as they went in and out of their office buildings. During the breakfast and lunch hours, Jim always had long lines of customers waiting. He noticed that the wait time discouraged many customers who left and went elsewhere. He also noticed that, as he was a one-man show, the biggest bottleneck preventing him from selling more donuts and coffee was the disproportionate amount of time it took to make change for his customers.

Finally, Jim simply put a small basket on the side of his stand filled with dollar bills and coins, trusting his customers to make their own change. Now you might think that customers would accidentally count wrong or intentionally take extra quarters form the basket, but what Jim found was the opposite: Most customers responded by being completely honest, often leaving him larger-than-normal tips. Also, he was able to move customers through at twice the pace because he didn’t have to make change. In addition, he found that his customers liked being trusted and kept coming back. By extending trust in this way, Jim was able to double his revenues without adding any new cost.

Q. When you are trusted, it makes a difference, doesn't it? Don't you love being trusted?

This story was taken from The Speed of Trust by Steven Covey.

One of Those Days

Just 48 hours ago I was having one of "those days" if you know what I mean.

Seemed like nothing was going right and I felt so far from God. The weird thing was that it was a day when I needed God to be close and it seemed like I was begging for His nearness.

When I get frustrated I do one of two things. I will just work harder and not think about anything or else I will go work in my yard.

This day the grass needed to be cut so out to the mower I went. I actually like cutting the yard, there is a instant feeling of getting "something" done.

On the tractor I was having myself a good old pity party and whining inside about how little God cares about me. In the middle of this inner discussion, I looked up to see that my Crate Myrtle trees in the back yard had bloomed.

This may not sound like a big deal, but you have to understand I planted these three trees at least 7 years ago and this was the first time they had ever bloomed.

It was like God was saying, "I am still here, look at how I care for you. Look at how beautiful I am. Look at what I have for you. Look at how I speak to you and give you a beautiful present when you least expect it-or deserve it."

God spoke when I least deserved it-as a whined-and in a way that reaches my soul through His creation.

I just needed a little touch when I have "one of those days."

I give You thanks, God.

Rod of Trust

Psalm 23:4 “Fear not, for I am with you; Your rod and staff, they comfort me.”

Have I mentioned my fear of falling? Of Heights?

On our recent trip out west, our family took a day hike to beautiful Sawtooth Lake just outside Stanley, Idaho.

I did mention my fear, right?

On the way up the mountain, my dad reminded each of us to look for a hiking stick that would help us along the way.

I found this beautiful five foot branch that was light but strong and very straight. It had almost a natural handle at the four foot mark that my hand fit into perfectly. I even managed to whittle off a few protruding pieces to make it smooth.

At mile three my dad pulled me aside and told me to bring up the rear in case anyone had trouble on the upcoming ledge drop offs and switchbacks.

My heart switched into an new level of anxiety.

My knees get wobbly just thinking about steep drop offs at certain heights.

My mind recalled that I had been through worse before, plus I had this rod in my hand to steady me through the climb ahead.

For the next 20 or so minutes that rod would find a firm spot on the trail to steady me. That rod and I developed a little trust relationship during these minutes that lasted throughout the hike.

As we approached the end of the journey later in the day, I thought about this piece of wood in which I had placed my trust. It may sound a little silly, but the rod helped give me confidence to finish the course. Perhaps I may have thought differently if the stick would have broken and I had tumbled off the edge!

I think about several things I sort of implicitly trust on a regular basis that affect my life: like when an airplane takes off and I trust my life to a pilot who may be having a bad day. Like when I take a sharp turn in my car and trust that my axle or tires do not break. That a driver in an oncoming car on a two lane highway does not fall asleep and cross the line in to my lane. And so on…

It makes me realize I can live life with a multitude of fears and miss one the most beautiful places on earth at Sawtooth Lake. Not get in my car. Not get on the plane. Not drive on the windy roads to get to Idaho.

Life requires trust.

There is a kind of trust we have in others and things like a stick that require some wisdom.

Then there is a trust, an unconditional trust, that I must have in God. As David says in Psalm 23, that God is with me and that His rod and staff will comfort me.

I put my trust in Him.

He cares for me.

Life happens.

And sometimes it starts with picking up a stick.