50 yards

It was maybe the most surreal 50 yards I have ever walked

50 yards for my my daughter to know the depths of how much I love her

50 yards for her to know just how proud I am of her

50 yards for her to know how much I believe in her and her decision this day

50 yards to meet the man who will love her the rest of his life

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?

I looked in to her eyes, hugged her, kissed her and told her she will always have a place in my heart

I turned and faced Brandon and told him that "she is now yours. I trust you with her. Take good care of her."

I put her hand in his and sat next to my helpmate-the moment was over and the spotlight was where it should be-on Rachel and her soon to be husband

I had thought carefully over the past weeks about that moment and what I hoped to share

I wanted Brandon to know I trusted him with my daughter

Almost 25 years ago I stood where he did. Not just as a young man with great hopes and love and joy, but one desiring to know I could be trusted with my young lady, Carolyn

When I had asked for her hand in marriage, the normal questions came out. "Where will you live? How will you provide for her? What will you do with your life?" All good, practical questions I for which I had little specific answers

In the midst of that discussion I asked my soon to be father-in-law, "Do you trust me with your daughter?"

There was a pause and a nod. "Yes"

We had gotten to the "real" question behind the question. We now were working out the details together as we cared for his daughter, my soon to be wife, Carolyn together

This was my hope for Rachel with these final words to Brandon

The importance of trust

When he asked for her hands a few months ago we made sure he knew he was in the "circle of trust" in our family. He was invited into our family

Is it a risk to trust? Sure. Does trust take courage? Sure.

As I reflect today on those last 50 yards with Rachel, this is one message I hope they cling to as Carolyn and I have: Trust is critical for intimacy, growth and friendship. It is given but can be lost. It is worth the risk and should be treasured deeply.

May our circle of trust be strong

Opportunity for Freedom

Yesterday a few of us walked around our city asking God to let us see through His eyes what He is concerned about and get a pulse of His heart for His people where we live.

We ended up in front of a replica of the Liberty Bell at St. John's. Underneath a worn brass plate had the words, "In standing before this symbol you have the opportunity to dedicate yourself as did our founding fathers to the principles of individual freedom for which our nation stands."

An opportunity to dedicate myself to be a person of freedom.

When I think of freedom, a lot comes to my mind.

There is driving in a convertible.

There is appreciation for others who have fought in wars so that I can pursue God with little fear of persecution. The freedom of being a citizen here in the United States.

There is financial freedom.

But there is a deeper freedom that needs to be explored. It's the freedom Jesus speak about.

In the Scriptures there is this cool passage in Paul's letter to the church in Galatia. He tells us we are called to freedom, but warns us not to let our freedom turn in to an opportunity for the flesh (basically self centeredness). He says that by lovingly serving one another, freedom will be a part of our lives. In fact, all the Law, or guidelines God gives us, can be summed up in one statement, "you shall love your neighbor as yourself."

Freedom comes from giving yourself to others? In caring for them above yourself?

That sounds contrary to what many of us hear/do nowadays. Freedom in our society is like something you do for yourself, often at the expense of others.

Jesus' way seems so opposite.

My dad often pulls this thought from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German pastor who died in a concentration camp under Hitler. He says "the greatest love we can have for our brother is their freedom." In other words, if we love someone and desire the best for them, we will come alongside them and help them anyway we can so they will be free.

Is Jesus' way really so different? I guess I have seen it work and come to believe His way and teaching in this area is true. When someone comes along and helps me through a difficult time or situation, my desire to "pay it forward" is very strong.

When I help and love others, there is a deep satisfaction that is hard to put words around.

My default button is set on a self-centeredness idea of freedom. Sometimes I need a jolt, like the one I had yesterday before at the Liberty Bell, to be reminded of the deeper desire to be a person of Freedom-a person who follows the way of Jesus and His way of freedom.

I am taking this opportunity today to dedicate myself to be a person who is about freedom.



Here is a little more of Bonhoeffer if you want to go deeper on this :

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Gal. 6:2). Thus the law of Christ is a law of bearing. Bearing means forbearing and sustaining... The Christian must suffer and endure the brother. It is only when he is a burden that another person is really a brother and not merely an object to be manipulated. It is, first of all, the freedom of the other person that is a burden to the Christian. The freedom of the other person includes all that we mean by a person's nature, individuality, endowment. It also includes his weaknesses and oddities, which are such a trial to our patience, everything that produces frictions, conflicts, and collisions among us. Then, there is the abuse of that freedom that becomes a burden for the Christian."

Getting Through It

Last night our Porch group welcomed back Tom from NC. It was as good an excuse as any to gather and discuss life, cigars, and Jesus’ place in our lives.

Besides Tom the Alum, the circle included a new friend from New Zealand, transplants from Kansas, Colorado and Montana and even a few locals from right here in Maryland.

And when the porch is “open”, it is always interesting to see what thoughts and questions enter the discussion.

Last night what kept surfacing was along the idea of “what are the signs/signals along the path of life where you can tell you are a Man?”

Phrases such as: it’s a lifelong process, taking responsibility, having courage, owning your life, having something bigger than yourself to fight for all entered the circle of discussion.

My son Michael brought up an idea along the lines that “being able to get through it” is a sign you are becoming a man. He said we all have an “it”, and used the disciple Peter as an example of a man he admired who got through it (his denying Jesus 3X) to become a man (and leader). He faced his stuff head on and stood up and led as a real man.

But the point I took away last night was not what idea anyone took away regarding the question of the night-it was the fact that we were involved in a forum to be able to process this type of a question.

There is something built in me, and many of my friends, to have a regular gathering place to discuss issues and thoughts to figure them out-if they are true, where God fits in, how to live stuff out, what is BS, what are we not talking about, etc.

There was some agreement last night that most of us have either gone through some deep stuff or are in the midst of figuring out what it is that we need to go through in being a man. This is a lifelong process and having discussions like this out on the porch are helping.

Glass

This past week I went a visited a bro of mine, to talk and see how he was doing. Over the next couple of hours, the discussion was real and it was deep. We said what needed to be said the way that only close friends can.

We prayed and shared some Scriptures.

Even though we sat only 2 feet away, most of the time it felt like we were miles away.

The only thing, the only thing, between us was some thick glass.

Most of the time the word “glass” is processed in my mind, images like transparency, clarity and protection come through. All pretty positive.

Now I have a negative image. See, my friend was in the local jail and this glass was a major separator. The glass was a barrier neither one of us desired.

His actions and choice of telling the truth put him in this place tonight.

It’s interesting that the truth itself has brought a sense of ultimate freedom from the slavery of sin he tried so desperately to hide. Having brought the truth out into the light has allowed an intimacy in our circle that is painfully beautiful.

This reaffirms what I have been learning the past couple years: as we are more authentic with each other, all of us have crap in our lives. 100%. Period.

I do want to love my friends like Jesus, no strings attached. I want those in my close circle to love me when they find out who I am and what I am like.

That’s what I believe, but what I was really feeling as I left that night was my heart breaking:
-For the consequences my friend may face because his past actions may separate him from his family.
-For the emotional separation it caused many of us in his circle of trust.
-For what might happen in the broader circle of relationships of those who don’t really understand-or may not even want to understand-his heart and the truth of what actually happened and desire for real healing.
-I have to leave a close friend alone to suffer the consequences of his actions.

As I left him that night, my main thought was, “This is screwed up. It’s not supposed to be like this.” I wondered if from God’s perspective, a lot of our relationships are like this with Him.

There is a thick piece of glass between us and Him. And it needs to get smashed.

I went to my car and leaned on the wheel. Tears came as I asked God to be with my buddy. It was what I could do.